I want to change, but I can’t

We devise our sense of self from life experiences and the stories which we continuously tell ourselves. This is done in the background to our consciousness, without awareness.

Every person who is struggling with thoughts or actions is at the mercy of the conditioned mind.

In this moment they are totally identified with the mind, and it is the mind that dictates what they think and do. It feels as if there is no other option. That is why it may feel so difficult, perhaps impossible, to change.

The first step in change

If you have attempted to change, you have already demonstrated awareness. In this context I refer to awareness as being conscious of feelings, actions, thought patterns and so on. This means you are likely to have a sense that something is not going right, or life is not fulfilling for whatever reason. A few generic examples could be

I am aware I am eating too much and that makes me feel guilty

I frequently get stressed as a result of my job

When I drink it makes me think distressing thoughts

and so on.

Often that awareness may arrive at a later time, i.e. not in the present moment. Perhaps an hour later or a day, maybe a week later.

We try to shorten the time between the action or thought taking place and the awareness arising. The point where change takes place is when we experience the negative thought or action and the awareness is present at the same time. This enables us to recognise the thought or action for what it is, in real-time, and we now have an element of choice - we can now chose to disengage with it. This prevents a ‘domino effect’ from occurring, where one thought or action leads to the next, amplifying in negativity as it grows.

That awareness is key.

Conditioned thinking

Along with awareness we require a deeper understanding of what is causing these thoughts and actions to happen. And this is when we return to the aforementioned conditioned thinking.

It is the relentless years of conditioning of our mind which determines how we perceive and respond to any given situation.

So in any kind of recovery (example anxiety, depression, addiction) it is important to understand this:

The conditioned mind will probably attempt to dissuade you and insist it won’t work. I would ask you to temporarily ignore that notion, and just try it.

As you are attempting something different from what feels like normal, we must be willing and accepting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Like a new pair of shoes. At first it may not feel right. But we accept that this is what happens when we try to welcome change. We understand the mind

may be narrating negative thoughts or views whilst we attempt this which is to be expected.

This is ultimately how we begin to manifest change. We become aware, then we chose to disengage with the conditioned mind.