Managing negative thoughts

How do you get rid of a negative trail of thought or a repetitive feeling which crops up time and time again throughout the day? Studies show us that humans typically think far more negative thoughts than positive, of which these thoughts are rarely factual in nature.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” - Winston Churchill

A typical human response is to fight fire with fire. Growing up we are taught to put on a brave face, defeat life’s challenges, and if the school bully hits you? many would advise to hit them back. We are conditioned to be confrontational in the face of adversity. In some circumstances this serves a purpose, but this mindset starts to become problematic when we apply it to every difficult situation we face.

“Sometimes the best response, is no response.” - Dalai Lama

So the process of ‘fighting’ negative thoughts begins when we literally stop fighting with our negative thoughts. Instead of engaging, we are learning to detach ourselves from our thoughts and we observe them in a passive sense. They are a backing track but they are not instructions and we don’t have to take actions because of them.

A good metaphor for this would be a tennis match. Player 1 is ourselves, player 2 is negativity. In order for player 2 to make an impact on us, we have to return the ball, otherwise nothing much will happen. We know we probably shouldn’t get involved but we feel obliged to play along as it's what we know best. So we return the ball and every time we do so, the negativity returns and comes back stronger, reinforcing or giving us a new negative thought. This causes us to feel frustrated or upset, so we hit the ball back harder, putting more energy into the return. Every time we do this the ball from player 2 is returned, and the longer this cycle goes on, the worse it makes us feel.

So this time, we change our tactics; we know player 2 is a bad sport and full of negativity, so before we get started we decide we won’t even bother playing today. We put the racket down and walk to the side of the court. Player 2 looks confused and keeps shouting negativity at us, but eventually, as we aren’t returning, it gives up and becomes weak. It’s negativity becomes quieter and quieter.

Back in real life, the key is to observe the thoughts, but not to take part in a ‘tennis match’ internal dialogue. Our auto pilot response of picking up a racket and entertaining these negative thoughts is a learned behaviour. So now we want to transition the mindset to one of flexibility; we accept that negative thoughts are a part of normal everyday life, which come and go like clouds in the sky.

The next time you become aware of yourself thinking something negative, you can even say to yourself in a compassionate tone “oh hi negative thought, nice to see you. Feel free to stay here as long as you like”. Following this you can return to the present moment and focus on your current task in hand.

This method of processing negative thoughts alongside practicing mindfulness (being fully occupied in the here and now) is particularly helpful for removing negative patterns of thought.